


To Love at Time's End

by JadeDraggy2017



Series: Timers [2]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Abortion, Blood, Cutting, Drepression, Drinking, Drug Use, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, HAPPY GORO DAY!!, Hurt/No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, NO COMFORT AT ALL, Not Beta Read, Self Harm, Smoking, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, Suicide, misuse of medication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 06:52:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14563419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeDraggy2017/pseuds/JadeDraggy2017
Summary: All she wanted was for someone to love her no matter what. That's what the clock promised.





	To Love at Time's End

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone and their mother asked me to do Ren's side of Time Till 0:00 and instead I'm giving you this....
> 
> HAPPY GORO DAY!!!
> 
> Follow me for insanity [here](https://adraggynamedjade.tumblr.com/)  
> 

 

  

The time is 0:00.  
  
What a strange feeling. Like having her arm sawed off. For just a moment in time, it’s not there. And then its reattached.  
  
The moment their eyes meet.  
  
Gold and Red.  
  
He’s the only one in the room it must be him. But there is no reaction. So she reacts the same in turn. Entering into the board room, and setting down papers. Stealing glances across the table, at his back, now turned to her.  
  
There’s no reason for it to be this way. It’s not taboo to talk about it. But she moves in silence. She thinks in pauses. She wonders if this what she’s been seeking?  
“What is your name?” He finally ask. He’s still not looking at her.  
  
“Akechi, Ayako.”  
  
“When do you finish work?”  
  
“At half past five.”  
  
“Then drinks, at six. I do not appreciate tardiness.”  
  
She finishes laying down the papers. Copies of packets for the senate review board. Some scientific experiment. She doesn’t care what it’s about. What she cares about now is at six she’s getting drinks.  
  
She’s getting drinks with the man that will give her everything she’s ever needed.  
  
Just to be certain she darts into the women’s bathroom and pulls off her bracelets to check.  
  
The time is 0:00.  
  
A soulmate is what your heart cries out for. A person destined to give you what you need.  
  
It’s such a vague statement, but taken as truth. What you need.  
  
What she needs.  
  
Love was all she needed.  
  
She learned at a young age, in her home love was not given freely. Discipline was given in abundance. Lectures were given in droves. Respect was expected to be returned, and orders were always obeyed. But love was not given freely. When she came to realize as the last daughter in a long line of boys that ‘love’ was not unconditional the clock formed.  
  
The day someone would give her their love no matter what. The countdown to when she would have what she needed.  
  
Until then she was dutiful. She was respectful. She was expectant.  
  
In turn she had her family’s respect. Her father’s connections earned her a desk job in reception and data at some government research office.  
  
Cognitive Science. Whatever that was.  
  
It was over her head.  
  
“Just work diligently. Just keep your head down. Just make us proud. And take pride in your place.”  
  
She did have her pride. But she didn’t have love.  
  
And he would give her his love forever.  
  
She made sure to be done with work early, she would not linger tonight. No. He’d asked her not to be tardy, and for his love she would comply. She met him in the lobby, with an unspoken welcome and together they left.  
  
Masayoshi Shido.  
  
The new senator to the political field. She didn’t know much about him. But she didn’t need to. The clock had told her everything. Just as it had told him everything.  
  
“It has run down, hasn’t it? That’s why you asked me here?”  
  
“I would not speak to you otherwise.” Of course. How foolish of her. But at the same time she was happy. A senator was meant for her. A lofty position. A serious man. She’d be sure to give him everything he needed. “I do not want you to speak of this. Our clocks, our meeting. Don’t address me during business hours. Do not seek me out. I will come to you, never the other way around. Is that understood?”  
  
“Of course!” She would comply. It only made sense. He was a busy man and she was only working a desk job. If what he needed was someone who could follow orders without hesitation she would follow.  
  
She would obey.  
  
She did comply every step of the way.  
  
She kept her head down when she passed him in hallways. Offered the same polite smile when she had to drop off papers to the senators’ mail boxes. Only speaking to him when spoken to. Never offering a hint of the truth.  
  
That under her bracelets and under his cuffs, the clocks had long run out.  
  
She stayed away from him at office parties. Watching women and colleagues surround him to hear his ideas. To share in his brilliance. To flirt with his growing power.  
  
She kept to herself, and turned away anyone that dared to flirt with her. After all she was taken, even if they never knew that.  
  
This is what he wished for. And she would give her obedience freely. In turn, when everyone was gone. When the nights were still, and there were no meetings, or parties, or political upheavals, he would call her.  
  
And for a night she could be at his side, and he gave her what she needed. His unconditional love.

 

And she would always give him what he needed. Whatever he asked for. What he needed was someone that would obey. It was a skill she had learned well all her life. To think it would be what brought them together.  
  
For his love, she kept her silence.  
  
For his love she copied her paperwork form the office.  
  
For his love she learned the passwords of every computersation.  
  
For his love she filtered out information. Names. Data. Access.  
  
And everytime she did as she was asked, she was rewarded with the blissful knowledge that he loved her and her alone.

 

The clock has long since faded. In its place a faint reminder of darkened skin. That the time will forever be over. That her life is set in stone. She can see their future together, as he rises to the top. He speaks of become head of a new party. Of taking Japan in a political whirlwind. Of becoming prime minister and steering the country down a new future.  
  
And she will be there at his side. Giving him everything he needs. And he will love her, even if it’s behind closed doors.  
  
No. He will love _them._ She soon realizes. It hadn’t occurred to her that this would happen so quickly. She long since stopped using protection or prevention upon the day the clock stopped. It wasn’t needed now, after all this was forever.  
  
So long as she obeyed.  
  
“You have to get rid of it.” Was the first thing he said.  
  
“How could you do something so foolish?” Was the second.  
  
“I thought you would have better sense than this.” Was the third.  
  
“But it’s yours… But it’s ours?” Ayako pleaded. “Don’t you want children? A successor to your name?”

“They’re a burden. And a waste of energy and effort. I will not take care of it. And if you have it you will not be able to spy on the research and senate offices as I asked. Get rid of it. You know all I want from you is your obedience. You cannot come back until you can prove to me that it’s gone.”  
  
Obedience in exchange for love. She had always obeyed. She did everything he asked of her. It’s what _he_ needed. And she _needed_ his love.  
  
But she couldn’t afford a doctor on her own, And her family turned her away at the door.  
  
How could you do something so foolish?

  
You have better sense than this!  
  
You have to get rid of it!!  
  
She was trying to, damn them! But they wouldn’t help her. They didn’t care about her. Care that his love hinged on her following this order. If she couldn’t go to a doctor there were other ways.  
  
She’d make herself sick.  
  
She’d drink it away.  
  
She’d smoke it away.  
  
She took pills. She strained her body. She drank until the sun itself was black.  
  
But it hung on. And everyday that went by and it was still there she cried.  
  
She cried and cried and cried. Her sobs like a storm, never ending. Crashing upon her heart and soul. The foreboding that something terrible was coming.  
  
Eventually she couldn’t hide it any more. And questions flew around her office.  
  
She lost her job. 

She tried to reach out to him for help, but was met with silence and disconnected lines. Of course he was ignoring her. She still hadn’t followed her orders. He had every right to withhold his affections. 

She lost her apartment. Unable to keep up with the bills she was forced into poorer housing.  
  
Far from the life she knew. From the spotlight he cast. She lived alone. With only _it_ to remind her of the love she once had. And the faded clock, and darkened markings of a timer run out. The promise of love never ending, unconditional, just for her.  
  
  
  
A monster is born.  
  
She can’t even look at it. She can barely even hold it.  
  
The hospital room is cold, and empty and lonely. And its cries bounce off the walls and into her ears like thunder.  
  
Goro.  
  
She could just leave it here. Just disconnect herself from the instruments and leave it over there in its hospital issued crib. She could go back to him now, she was technically rid of it. But what if they come find her? Would he be angry it even exist?  
  
Every month she tries calling him. She knows that’s not what he asked of her. Never reach out to him. But it’s all she can think to do when the thunder becomes so loud, and the neighbors bang on her door, and her own screaming can’t cover up the sound.  
  
Nothing. She disobeyed.  
  
She starts thinking she’ll feed it less. Maybe that will weaken it’s cries. But the fear of being blamed for its death and going to jail ensure her that she’ll keep it alive.  
  
And in some sickening twist of fate, when she holds it, it doesn't cry. When she feeds it smiles at her. It almost feels warm, if it weren’t for the fact it’s smile means she’ll never see his again.  
  
It laughs when she’s near.  
  
It cries when she’s away.  
  
Its happy to have her.  
  
This monster loves her.  
  
“Mama?” Goro eventually learns to call her this. A word that everytime she hears it she cringes. She’s long since stopped screaming to match its crying. Now she snarls to match its voice. A voice that shakes her chest like the rumbling of a storm.  
  
It says her name so softly. With curiosity and expectation. It has her eyes and her hair, but the way it smiles is like him. A monster that stole all the best things from her life.  
  
“Why are you all alone?”  
  
“Because of you. You’re father will never be here. Because of you.” She tells it with scorn. And eyes it as she drinks.  
  
She still drinks. She never stopped. Everytime she raises a glass to her lips she sees the faded out markings of the clock.  
  
Love unyielding. Unconditional. And she lost it all. Because she couldn’t obey.  
  
“Mama?” The sound is something close to banging against glass. Shattering her senses and disrupting her sleep. She’s learned to counter the noise with raised hands and open palms. It quickly stops the rumbling. But she’s too tired now.  
  
“What do you need, Goro?”  
  
“Why do people have clocks?”  
  
It constantly asks questions. Since the day it learned words, she swears it only asked questions. Endlessly curious. And always looking to her. Wide eyed, and affectionate and smiling.  
  
It stupidly loves her, no matter how much she ignores it. No matter how much she hits it. She can't stand this monster. 

“It’s for your soulmate.”  
  
“Mama, what’s a soulmate?”  
  
“A person that will be with you forever… Who give you the thing your life needs.”  
  
“Mama,” she grown feed up now. “Do you have a soulmate?”  
  
She’s too exhausted to speak on this. “Go to your room.” And she watches it sit for a moment, watching her expectantly. It slowly gets up and retreats to the back of the apartment.  
  
She squandered her soulmate. And the fact still lingers with her.  
  
Its laughter can shake the entire house. Maybe the ceiling will come crashing down upon its head. God knows her own fist has enough. But it still laughs. And it still smiles. Sitting in front of the TV watching an annoying show about bird men and coloring with broken crayon bits collected from the parks and sidewalks.  
  
It’s been years since Ayako tried to call him. She can’t imagine what she’d say. She’s long since given up on the idea of receiving his love again. 

Perhaps soulmates aren’t forever? But a fleeting chance at eternity. A chance that she squandered. She took it for granted, the idea that someone would love her forever, no matter what.  
  
“Mama.”  
  
There it goes again. That terrible sound, echoing around in her head. She’s not drunk enough today for this.  
  
“I made you something, Mama!”  
  
It’s a picture. It’s terrible. But she can see that it’s her. The long brown hair. The red dots for eyes. A black and white dress.The gold of her bracelet. And she can see that it’s in the picture too. Short brown hair. The same eyes. Together. She’s holding its hand. As if she would ever. And they are smiling together.  
  
On the bottom is write ‘0:00’.  
  
“It’s us, Mama… Since you don’t have a soulmate, I can be yours! We can be together forever!”  
  
She’s stunned to say the least. Together, forever? With _this_.  
  
Before she can think she snatches the paper, and watches it jump just a bit backward. More than likely expecting a hand or a fist. “Just go to your room.” She still holds the paper. “Just go to your room and stay there…”  
  
After it leaves she opens her clenched hand and studies it again. She can't see herself. She can’t see the monster. But she can see the time.  
  
The run out clock. The moment in time when her world changed. She had the love of a man greater than herself. A love she thought would last forever. She still remembers the feeling, like having her arm taken off.  
  
Ayako looks down at her wrist. At the worn away time. She can barely see it now. But it was there. She was happy. She was loved. She pushes herself to stand still clutching the paper in her hands and stumbles to the bathroom. She knocks over empty pill bottles on the sink, and flings the medicine cabinet open.  
  
She wants to always have it. That moment in time. When the clock stopped. When life was perfect.  
  
She cuts her fingers trying to free a razor from its case, but finally rips it out. She’s had so much to drink today she can barely feel it. She has to press deep and hard to even know she’s done it right.  
  
Zero.  
  
She can’t help but cry, the tears coming from her eyes that have been held back for so long.  
  
Next it’s the colon. Just a quick deep jab.  
  
This time she screams. The sound tumbles from her lips. And her jaw trembles. The entire house shakes. And in response to her own cries she hears that horrible word again.  
  
“Mama?”  
  
“Just stay in your room!”  
  
The entire house is full of screams. And laughter. And hits. And drinks. And pills. And thunder.  
  
Zero.  
  
Why couldn’t she obey? All her life she had tried so hard for all of them? To earn her family’s respect. To keep his love. The clock was lie. Soulmates were a lie.  
  
No one loved her. Without restraint. Without a price.  
  
Zero.  
  
It’s done now, and she can't stop crying. The clock will last forever. The time will never fade. The time will bleed endlessly from her wrist.  
  
Ayako stumbles out of the bathroom and hits the wall. The who house is shaking. She’s still holding the paper in her hands. Staining it red. Like her eyes.  
  
She swears she sees golden one waiting for her at the end of the hall.  
  
The hall where she falls, and gasp and cries.  
  
“Mama!?” Her whole body shakes as it stands over her. The shaky sound of it’s voice slowly becoming the only clear thing in her vision.

  
“Mama, what’s wrong? Mama! Get up! Mama! Mama!” There are hands on her shaking her. She would think they would be hitting her. “Please get up!” The thunder of its voice is replaced with rain. Constant rain.  
  
A flooding panic. It’s grasping at her dress. Burying its face in her hair. The storm of noise fading into a gentle cascade, like a peaceful spring rain.  
  
It can’t bare to see her go. It loves her. It always has.  
  
He’s always loved her.  
  
In spite of her efforts. In spite of the torrent of hate. Of drunken nights. Of sleeping pills. Of open palms and clenched fist. Of thunder rolling from her lips. In the face of her monsterous nature. He weeps for her. His broken sobs and helpless whimperings the only thing clear in her last moments of darkness.  
  
He’s loves her.  
  
And Ayako realizes, she got what she wanted. Masayoshi gave her what she needed. Someone who loves her unconditionally.  
  
Never wanted her obedience. Never wanted her respect. Never wanted her to earn it. He gave it. In cries and laughter and questions and her name. Like thunder, loud enough to clamour into her heart. His love was always there.  
  
“Mama…?”  
  
Even though she can’t see him, she tries to smile. Its all she can do. The revelation is too late.  
  
“Goro-” It’s a name like thunder. Shaking her entire body just to say it. All the air in her lungs just to feel it. It feels like more than just her arm is gone now. She loves him.  “-Goro? -unl-”  
  
The time is bleeding out. It’s quickly approaching zero. There’s no one else here. Just red, on red, on red.  
  
“-Love.. I do…”  
  
She does love him unconditionally. Equally and true.  
  
“Mama?”  
  
There’s nothing.  
  
“...mama?”  
  
The storm is finally over. The thunder is fading out.  
  
‘Goro’  
  
‘Un’  
  
‘Love’  
  
‘I do’.  
  
“Unlove?”  
  
She unloved him?  
  
No. She never loved him.  
  
He was all alone now. Like she was. There was no one.  
  
One last time, he screams. Louder than she ever did. Louder than he ever could. The whole world shakes from the roll of thunder.  
  
Her life ends.  
  
A monster is born.  
  
A clock beings.  
  
Drawing ever closer to 0:00.


End file.
